"I'm not having anything bite you down there," says Aramis, aiming a shot at Porthos over his trousers. He sprays his throat, too, before the man can protest, then goes to strap on the rest of his weapons.

"Indeed," he says, matching Athos' dour tones, "Let's get this dreadful cake business over with, shall we?" And then on to honorable acts of violence and gore - Aramis is all but bouncing on his feet.